Does Your Risky History Put You At Risk for A Sexual Affair?
Family situations and personal challenges are unbelievably influential in whether or not someone is going to cheat, but what about personal risk? Does depression increase the possibility of your husband cheating? What if he loses his job, or someone close to him dies?
According to Christian relationship expert Dave Carders, situational factors definitely influence a person's potential to cheat on their significant other. "Often there are situational factors that weigh heavily into the initiation of [infidelity]," he writes in his bestselling book Close Calls. "Two of these areas are high-risk times and high-risk behaviors."
High-risk times refer to great times of stress and change in relationships. Many times, these times are life-altering and require major adjustment on one's part in order to fully absorb the changes that are made to their routines.
Death or Loss
Death of a loved one is a common high-risk time for people. Research has indicated that spouses and couples actually experience an increase in their sex life following the death of a loved one.
Many times, both parties in the marriage or relationship will experience difficulty connecting because they're both in mourning during this period. They may preserve their energy in order to work through the day instead of expending effort in consoling one another.
As we've discussed before, men have a real pattern of using sex to comfort themselves. If they're not getting emotional support and care from their wives at home, there's potential for them to seek outside refuge in the arms of another woman, as having sex will still release oxytocin, which comforts them and makes them feel less "alone" in times of need.
There are several reasons why pregnancy carries an increased risk of infidelity in men. First and foremost, a man is adjusting to the fact that the relationship isn't all about him anymore; he now has to share the spotlight with another person, his own child. Second, he has to spend an extra amount of time catering to the woman carrying his child for the approximately 9 weeks or so that she's carrying the child.
To add to this, women usually go through a lot during their pregnancies. Hormones shift and change, and women can become emotionally unstable, sensitive and possess lower libidos, resulting in a lack off sexual desire. In turn, the changes which take place in the female's body, such as weight gain, make her less visually appealing to her husband, and therefore divert his sexual desire away from her.
Once the baby comes, pressures of being a new parent add strain to the relationship. Many women experience postpartum depression, while others become completely consumed with the baby and lose desire to connect with their partners. Resentment, stress and the need to "get away from it all" can cause an otherwise great man to cheat - all because he wants attention that he feels is no longer readily available to him.