Helping a Birthmother Cope With Her Unplanned Pregnancy and Adoption Plan

The birthmother experiencing an unplanned pregnancy has made the difficult decision to place her baby for adoption with a family that she has chosen. She may or may not have the support of her parents and her siblings or even the birth father. You want to help her but are not sure what to say and what not to say. Here are some helpful ideas:

1. Be sure to tell her that you are beside her 100% and that you are here for her whenever she needs someone to talk to. There nothing more difficult than making the decision to place your baby for adoption and then to have everyone judging you, criticizing you, and rejecting you.


2. Let her know that she can be open and honest and you will not judge, criticize or give advice unless she asks for it. Sometimes she just needs a listening ear to bend.


3. She is still a young woman having a baby. The baby is a part of her. It's o.k. to ask her questions like: How is she feeling? Does she feel the baby moving? How does that make her feel? You can be excited with her about the child growing within her. Take your lead from her.


4. It's o.k. to talk about her baby's future...who will they look like? Will they have her temperament? Will they love what she loves?


5. Talk about the relationship she is having with her adoptive family. How do they get along? What are they like? What makes you happy about them being the parents of your baby? This new family will forever be a part of her.


6. Talk about her future. What will she do after the baby has been born? What are her goals and dreams? What is she doing to prepare for her future while she is preparing for her child's future? How can you help her get ready for that time? Internet search together or visit colleges together...go to the library and do some research.


7. Hang out with her! She still loves shopping, movies and munching on yummy food!


8. Think of ways to celebrate this baby who is being formed within her. Ask her if she would like a baby shower...to give gifts that can go home with the baby and that would provide connection and meaning for the baby later in life. Make something special together like a blanket that can be given to the baby and her family at the hospital.


9. Offer to help her make a family photo album to give to the adoptive couple for the baby when he or she is older.


10. Encourage her to write letters for the baby that can be kept for them when they can read or want to know more about their biological family.


11. Be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and laugh with. It's o.k. to still have fun and laugh together.


12. After the birth, be there for her. Sometimes no words are necessary. Sometimes the best thing to say in nothing. Just be there.