Moods - The Key to Understanding Yourself and Others

Most conflicts occur when the people are in low moods. We don't realize the connection between low moods and relationship problems. Once you realize how to deal with low moods, you can learn how to avoid damaging your relationships.

It's important for you to support your partner when feeling low. The best way to help a person in a low mood is to be understanding and overlook the effect the mood has on his or her behavior. Never try to talk or reason someone out of a bad mood, you will probably make them angry - to the person, a mood is a self-validating, complete reality.

As weather changes from day to day and hour to hour, so do our moods. We may be sitting on a park bench pondering the beautiful possibilities of life. Moments later we are depressed and thinking about problems. What changed? Who knows? Change is the nature of being human.

Understanding how moods affect our thinking protects us from being conned by them. It is our thoughts about our moods that cause us distress. We fear the moods are "real" that they will last forever. When people don't realize they have moods, they are hoodwinked into thinking reality is changing, not just their thoughts. What is the proper response? Be grateful when your mood is high and graceful when it is low.

Everyone's moods travel up and down, all day long - our perceptions of life go along for the ride. Nothing in the world looks identical from one minute to the next.

HIGH MOODS - we feel relaxed, energetic, in good humor, patient, carefree and compassionate.

LOW MOODS

1. Mental activity-or thinking-increases.


2. Thinking gravitates to problems, dissatisfaction and pessimism.


3. We experience a heightened but distorted sense of immediacy. For example, we think we must do something right away about our circumstances.


4. We have a pessimistic outlook. We notice limitations and are blind to possibilities.


5. We entertain many negative thoughts, emotions and concerns.

How we experience low moods differs from person to person.

• Some get aggressive and belligerent.


• Others become quiet and distant.

BENEFIT OF LOW MOODS

1. Low moods contribute to our lives.


2. They tell us to slow down and recover our bearings.


3. Low moods offer us humility, when we realize we don't know as much about life as we thought we did.


4. When low moods end, we realize that our thoughts and fears were blown out of proportion.

Quick Reminders and Tips on Moods

• They come and go on their own. The less attention we give them, them the better.


• When you are in a low mood, don't make important life decisions. Your thinking is not as sound as it is in a higher state of mind.


• When others are in a low state of mind, put everything they say or do in that context. Don't hold it against them or try to argue with them.


• Keep your spirits up and be understanding will help others to feel better.


• As you begin to see others moods, you will see how to stay out of their way when they are low. You will also learn to what extent you can trust what they say and do.


• Resist the temptation to either fight moods or resign yourself to them. Stay open to the possibility that your mood might change at any minute. Realizing you are "in a mood" usually raises your spirits