Have you ever harnessed the exhilarating ride that is the power of expectation? Did you know it is one of the world's truly magical rides? Why it can transform not only your days, but your relationships too.
If you do something expecting it to go well... guess what? There's a pretty good chance it will.
If you do something expecting it to go badly or to be nasty. Guess what? It probably will.
The power of expectation is an amazing transformational force and can very easily become your greatest self fulfilling prophecy.
Keeping in mind that you cannot (and probably should not) control the behaviour of others, how can you use the power of expectations to turn a relationship around?
It's absurd, but here's how it worked for a client of mine.
Her husband works for himself. They had two small children under two. She worked from home as an author and was the primary carer for the children. She was finding the time between 5pm and 7pm every day to be very challenging. Everything needed to be done and everyone was tired. She expected her husband to be home by 6pm every day so he could help her during this challenging time to bathe and feed children and prepare the evening meal.
He rarely made it home before 6.30pm and this was causing her intense irritation. Each time he was 'late' she would spend the minutes after 6pm berating him and feeling like an unloved victim of her circumstances. We discussed how pitifully unhappy she was making herself with her expectation and continual disappointment when it wasn't met.
The solution we agreed upon... don't laugh!
What she resolved to do was stunningly simple and effective... she told herself to expect her husband home by 7pm every night. Guess what??
He was always early! What a man! How lucky and loved she felt. (And what strange tricks our brains can play on us).
Another client with small children used the same trick with the power of expectations to feel happier with herself. She was a high achieving, ambitious business woman in her 30s when she had children. Every milestone she set herself in her career had been achieved easily and effortlessly.
Then her children arrived. Instead signing off on business deals, there were days when she:
- Got the dirty clothes in the washing machine (yay), but never made it to the dryer
- Could feed everybody (yay), but forget to change out of her pyjamas
- Breastfed the baby (yay), but forgot to tuck everything away before opening the door to the door to door salesman
- Clear the dishes off the table (yay), but put them in the pantry instead of the dishwasher
It was at the end of one of those days that she rang me for help. She broke down in tears and sobbed out the huge list of things she hadn't achieved that day... the floor was dirty, the beds weren't made, the children were going to have tinned food because she hadn't got around to cooking the organic vegetables yet...
I quietly said, 'Stop. Do you have two children who are alive, happy and healthy?'
'Yes', she sobbed.
'Well, isn't that the most magnificent thing you could achieve in a day? Haven't you done well? Does the rest really matter?'
With those few simple questions her life was changed. She harnessed the power of expectation, changed it and began to find joy, laughter, love and moments of sheer bliss in every day. What a difference a change in expectation made to her attitude, her happiness and her life.
By simply changing your expectations, you can change how you feel about your day, your relationship and yourself. This must surely be one of the simplest and easiest personal growth tools ever... and it certainly provides amazing results.
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